Why the End of the Year Can Be Hard

Have you ever found that grief during the holidays feels magnified? That it feels more intense than at other times of the year? If so, you’re not alone — and you’re not imagining it. Grief at the end of the year often brings with it an extra layer of heaviness that you might not feel at other times. Let’s explore why that is.

1. The pressure to be “festive”

While Christmas can be a joyful time, it can also be a season laden with expectations. All around us, twinkly lights are getting strung up and switched on, office parties are in full swing, and shopping malls throughout the country are filled with Santa’s helpers getting their ho-ho-ho on. Coping with grief during the holidays can be incredibly difficult when society expects us to act jolly and festive.

But when we’re grieving and desperately trying to process the loss (or losses) that have turned our world upside down, the last thing we often feel like doing is faking cheer. When it feels like everyone around you is laughing, joking and filled with the Christmas spirit, you can end up feeling a stark contrast between how you feel and how you’re expected to feel.

2. More memories and reminders

Dealing with grief around Christmas is made more difficult because it’s often a season that brings with it more memories and reminders than other times in the year. Perhaps you used to spend the holidays with a person or pet who is no longer here. Maybe you’ve just been laid off and all you can think about is how this time last year you had a job and financial security. Smells, songs and traditions can bring memories to the surface, serving as reminders of what’s missing.

3. Absence of familiar routines

There are few times of the year more disruptive to our routines than Christmas. Grief can be a very destabilising experience that may leave you feeling scared and unsafe, add to that the disruption that December can bring and you may find yourself struggling more than usual. Know that this is normal.

Navigating grief can be challenging when we lose a sense of stability and predictability. If all of a sudden we no longer have the things that serve as anchors for us — morning and evening routines, work, set meal times — and what replaces those things is more down time and space for reflection, that loss of structure can make us feel like we don’t have anything to help us stay steady amidst our grief.

Ways to Cope With Grief

Grief during the holidays can feel more intense than at other times of the year, but one thing that can make it a little easier is thinking about ways you can practice a little grief self-care. Here are a few tried and true ways for coping with grief in December.

1. Set Boundaries

If you’re someone who tends to give a lot during the holiday season (and the rest of the year!), you may find you struggle to say no. But saying no to social events or obligations means you can say yes to taking care of yourself — which is what’s most important right now.

It can be difficult to know how to say no if you’re not practised in doing this. So here are a few scripts that allow you to honour yourself while still being kind to others:

“Thank you for thinking of me. I don’t have the energy or emotional space for this right now, so I’m going to say no. I hope you understand.”
“I really appreciate the invitation. This season feels tender for me, and I need to keep things gentle. I’m going to pass this time.”
“I know this tradition matters to you. This year I need to take care of myself differently, so I won’t be joining. Thank you for supporting me.”
“I wish I could, but I need to honour my limits. I hope you can trust that this is what I need right now.”
“I’m so sorry for the late cancellation — today turned out to be heavier than I expected. I need to take care of myself and stay home. Thank you for understanding.”

And if someone keeps pushing you? Try this: “I’ve already said no, and I need that to be respected.”

2. Create Rituals

Honour what you’ve lost by creating some simple grief rituals this holiday season. Here are a few ideas that many people find supportive:

Light a candle
Attend a remembrance event
Play a favourite piece of music
Decorate an ornament and hang it on a Christmas tree in memory of your person or pet
Write a letter to the person, pet or thing that you’re grieving
Donate to charity
Give yourself permission to feel

3. Limit Exposure to Triggers

Are there things that make your grief worse? If so, try not to engage with them this holiday season. It could be social media, particular gatherings or events, or Christmas decorations. Whatever your particular triggers are, don’t be afraid to limit your exposure to these, or if that’s not possible, use grounding techniques (such as breathing exercises) to help calm your nervous system.

4. Plan Recovery Days

Recovery days are vital during the holiday season — especially when you’re grieving. Try not to overload your schedule and instead create plenty of pauses between social engagements to give yourself time to rest and simply be.

5. Reach Out for Support

Staying connected with other people who are understanding of your grief can help you feel seen, heard and supported. Whether that’s a trusted friend or family member, or a professional organisation who specialise in helping people navigate their grief, don’t be afraid to let others know what you need (or don’t need) this holiday season.

Grief can feel especially tender at this time of year. If you’re longing for support, guidance, or simply a place to exhale, I offer several ways we can work together:

✨ 1:1 Support Sessions
✨ A structured 12-week grief-support programme
✨ Workplace grief education

Each option is designed to meet you where you are — gently, at your pace.
Learn more about my services here: https://www.kathrynjanewilliams.com/support

Why Grief Feels Heavier at the End of the Year (And How to Cope)